Inadequacy
by Caramel Van Gogh
Summary: Tifa knew it was silly to feel like this. It felt immature. It felt wrong. Especially when both people didn't do anything intentional to hurt her.
1. Her Side of the Story

Gotta have some angst after all that fluff right? Big shout out to theClosetPoet7 for proofreading and betaing this! Thank you so much :) Go check out her stuff, they are a masterpiece!

Anyway, please enjoy!

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Tifa felt inadequate.

Every time she would look at their direction and saw _his_ genuine smile and hear his sincere laughter at _her_ quirks. She felt inadequate when every battle was fought, _he _goes to check on _her_ first. With his concerned stare and soft _are you okays. _She felt inadequate every time he touches _her_ with his gloved hands (never mind the fact that it was just innocent bumps or whatever).

Tifa knew it was silly to feel like this. It felt immature. It felt wrong. Especially when both people didn't do anything intentional to hurt her. But she felt so inadequate about herself. Her own skin. Her own identity. Just her whole being. Sure, she knew she wasn't bad looking per se or she had this dreary personality, yet if you put her next to those twinkling green eyes, soft feminine features and her bright character, she would look dull. Dull with her dark wine red eyes, strong athletic assets and her demure character.

She felt inadequate most especially now when she watched from the other side of the campfire, their hushed conversation and smiles, all the while leaning close to each other. Tifa took her gaze away from the two as she stood up and walked towards the tent and entered it without looking back.

It was really funny to think about when the moment _she_ joined their little group, all the attention was directed to her. By the person she wanted to be noticed. All that attention he was giving her the first few weeks was practically gone. Albeit, she knew he hadn't stopped worrying about her too from time to time. He cared for her. Yes, he did. She could feel it. But it wasn't as strong as his care for _her_.

_Was I easy to replace? Was I even replaced in the first place?_

She supposed it wasn't shocking because she, too, was drawn to _her_. _She_ has this aura, this glow, that makes you lighter. It was an amazing feeling to bask in her light. Just like the sunshine on the early mornings when the rays wouldn't hurt your skin and when the darkness of the night disappeared to give you hope for the day. Like a breath of fresh air as well. Aerith was so lovely. No one could hate _her_. And she was one of those people who could not hate _her_ even if she tried.

Sometimes she feels that she is fighting a losing battle. That she lost without putting up something and at the end, there is only a mixture of grief and anger.

Tifa didn't hate Aerith. She was just so envious of her ability to bring a smile to anyone's faces. Envious of her soft feminine beauty. Of having the presence just like the sun.

Of having the ability to make Cloud smile and laugh and just..feel lighter. Positive emotions.

A trait she so desperately wanted and tried so hard to do the moment she found him at that train station looking the worst she had ever seen him. It didn't really help that Tifa has realized her newfound deeper feelings for him.

The circumstances just hurt.

Maybe it was her fault because she was so cautious and held herself back in fear of breaking him. Or maybe it was not her role to make him happy.

Maybe that role was meant for Aerith.

And even if she tried and tried to be that person, it can never be. She wouldn't be enough.

Her hero was meant to protect and cherish the princess. Sadly, she was no princess and the title was given to somebody else.

Pain was something Tifa was accustomed to, however, emotional pain was worse to handle. She laid down on the sleeping bag and curled her body as if it would make her small. She felt small. If that was really the case, if he would be happy, she would back down. Nothing was more important to her than Cloud's happiness and if he found that in Aerith, who was she to ruin that? She was already letting them have their space when they're together. Amidst the ache in her heart, she was also glad that he was experiencing these. Gaia knows he needed a break from all the things that they were going through right now. Tifa wouldn't want to rob that from him.

She loves him and his happiness will always come first more than anything. Aerith will probably complement him too.

Tifa felt inadequate.

But if it's the price to pay for wanting the best for him, then she'd willingly embrace this. No matter how long it would take for the pain to subside. She would take this.

_So please let him be happy._

Closing her eyes, she let the tears fall. She wants to give herself this moment to let it all out and by tomorrow she'll move forward. It was the least she could do for the people she holds dear.

The claws of sleep followed soon after.

* * *

I wrote this because it was what I was feeling when I thought of it. Just going through hard times and I wish you beautiful people won't ever feel that.


	2. His Side of the Story

He knows that deep within his heart, he feels inadequate when he sees her there, fighting all those monsters with her fists and witnessing if she got wounded. Cloud knows that Tifa can handle herself. She is a strong woman, both in her physical and emotional aspect.

He will always remember how she took care of him when she found him in a bad condition at the train station. Saw how she believed in him when nobody would even spare her the time to listen to her pleas. Saw how she juggled with running the bar, taking care of Marlene, hiding a terrorist group and paying him the attention he needed (he won't acknowledge the fact that he desperately needed it though). Tifa was indeed one of a kind and for that he felt inadequate to be by her side, to be her protector. Even if he promised he would. It kills him to know this and he vows to himself that he would not burden her further with his weakness.

So when the opportunity to prove himself came, he took it. He can fulfil the promise. And that opportunity came as a pair of sparkling green eyes, a figure clad in a pink dress and a character that shone as bright as the sun. Cloud would lie if he says that this other girl's presence didn't make him feel lighter. He feels refreshed when he talks with Aerith. She is like a breath of fresh air, especially when he finds himself smiling and laughing with her. He was surprised when he realized that he did. There's just something about her that makes you drawn to her and it felt good. Her pretty looks were a sight too (he's not blind to beauty after all).

Another thing about Aerith is that there's a pull that tells him he needs to protect her. While Tifa is considered tough and hard, she's delicate and soft. That was one of the reasons why he would go to her first and tend to her. The other reason, he couldn't quite decipher why. It's like there was a voice speaking to him at the back of his mind telling him to protect her and he can't pinpoint from whom or what . There's something he feels with her, that he knows.

Nevertheless, his eyes would always go to Tifa first. Wherever she is, whatever she is doing, his eyes always trailed after her. After a battle, he would want to make sure to see if Tifa is okay before moving towards Aerith. If they are resting, he would look around for Tifa to see if she's there, even when he was talking to someone. Trying to see her beautiful features and toned figure.

**_If I can protect Aerith then I will know that I can certainly protect Tifa. I will be enough._**

Lately he feels as though she distances herself from him, especially when he is with Aerith. He doesn't understand why but it hurt him more than he cared to admit.

Cloud suffocates in his inadequacy when this happens.

Did he do anything wrong? Why was she so far away now?

**_No. No. Don't move away from me, Tifa. Please._**

He wants to follow her and trap her in his arms forever but he's scared of touching her. Especially since that night, when he found her by the stream nursing a large gaping wound on her right arm after their battle with four Marlboros.

_He hadn't seen that wound when he looked at her before he dashed towards Aerith's side. His stomach lurched at the sight of blood oozing out of Tifa's arm. His mind roared and he couldn't think of anything. He couldn't hear anything beside her hisses and groans. He stomped forward to where she was and helped her clean her wound._

_To say she was surprised would have been an understatement because she was petrified when he showed up. _

_ "Why didn't you tell me that you were hurt?" His voice was laced with anger and pain yet it was still soft. _

_ She looked away from him and continued to clean the gash. Cloud grabbed Tifa's left arm and turned her towards him. _

_ "Tifa. Answer me"_

_ She sighed. "We were running low on supplies. We need to save it if anything comes up." Tifa pulled her arm back. "Besides, the others need it more."_

_ "Why didn't you ask Aerith to heal it for you?"_

_ "Cloud, she was tired and she sported some injuries herself. You know that as much. You were the first one to tend to her." He hadn't missed the slight pain in her voice. Somehow, he felt like he'd been slapped by her words even if she didn't mean to._

_ "I didn't want to burden her. So, if you would please let me clean this up? It would be much appreciated." Tifa returned her focus to her arm._

_ "Let me hel—" He started as he moved to help her but she avoided his touch and shook her head. "I can handle this, don't worry, I'll be back after I get this done, okay?"_

_ Cloud stared at her and felt his insides ache. His brain repeating, 'useless, useless, useless…inadequate'_

_ "I'm going to be fine. This will not kill me. I'm tough remember?" Tifa joked but it was said with a hint of melancholy. She flashed a reassuring smile then. _

He couldn't help but beat himself up for making this happen. Tifa was tough, and in that moment he realized that while she was tought, she was not indestructible. How could he let that slip out of his mind? He wanted to be worthy enough to protect her, right? Yet he seemed more and more inadequate.

**_Please grant me the strength to protect her. Please. I need to be strong for her. I would do anything_**_._

It was then that he decided that he could only do something to ease his mind of his nightmares of having Tifa lying on the cold floor, dead.

So, in the dead of the night, when everyone was quietly asleep in their sleeping bags, he would make his way to the tent that held the sleeping barmaid and settle next to her. He wraps an arm around her middle and holds her close. Just to feel her heart beating in her chest. To ensure his self that she's alive.

She slightly stirred but did not wake in her slumber. He relaxes his body and falls into a dreamless sleep. He'll give himself this moment because he could not bear to be this close to her when they are awake.

Nights like this make him feel less inadequate. Even for a short while. And when she wakes, she will wake alone.


End file.
